The Day Loneliness Began

Like any other first day of school, it has always been universally considered as the day of reconciliation with some of your friends. As well as those newly bought school materials you’ve been dying to brag about among your peers. Not to mention of course those several familiar faces that you’ve be seeing along the way for the last couple of years; people you have walked across the same hallway before —- from other classes perhaps or even the cute boy you have been crushing about for the last couple of months but never had any guts to try and talk to him. Yes, this is what it would be like if you’re coming back to school that you’ve stayed on for the last couple of years. But if it’s you’re first day and you’re going to a completely and entirely different school, then you might as well disregard all those expectations I have described before and let me tell you what it really feels like.

So first of all I would like to say that I’m in senior year now (Grade 11) and being in another school campus has never been so alienating for me since the first time I went to school, and that was thirteen years ago. I’ve already forgotten how excruciating it was to be alone and lonely. You don’t know anyone and everyone doesn’t know you. But what is really hard for me was this struggle of coping to the fact that I have to adjust to these new surroundings and at least try to make new friends. As an ambivert but with a more dominate introvert attitude, this was the case for my loneliness. Despite that it was just the first day, I’m already expecting that it would be like this for the next two years of my life here at this particular school which is also a university. Yes, you heard me right. Since the implementation of the K -12 curriculum in my country, numerous universities all across the country have been offering senior high school in order to fully complete the basic education on a globalized scale. At first I was excited to study at a real university, but now I feel lonely and somewhat alienated. The people in the university and my new classmates are really different in contrast with the previous one. There are college students who are way older than me and I couldn’t seem to relate nor understand their behavior, especially that they are in college. My classmates were classmates from their previous schools and I think only quiet a few are being left out from all the conversations that were going on that day, including me. Almost the entire classroom already knows one another even before the school year even started which built a pressure on me from getting to know people. However, there are some of my classmates from my previous school that also enrolled at this particular university. Yes, we still do talk to one another. But it seems that they are already too preoccupied immediately with their new friends and it really bumps me out for doing such a thing. It is very disappointing to see myself as a person to be easily forgotten as a friend and be replaced by another group of people.

I know that there is this strong pang in my heart for being replaced as a friend and the loneliness that I have to endure that wraps around me like a blanket. But I won’t be deterred by this. I am not going to let myself give in to this state of weakness. What’s important for me now is to achieve all the goals that I have set to myself in order to make my dreams come true. I am not going to let these emotions hinder the possibility of ever reaching my aspirations in life. I just hope that I would be strong enough to overcome the trials and tribulations that will be handed out to me as I go on chasing my dreams.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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